7 Gift Ideas for Your Wife That Show You Pay Attention

Posted: 8th June 2013 by Jason Coleman in Communication, Dating, Exceed Expectations
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Gifts for your wifeNumber one rule in gift giving: be observant and thoughtful. That’s the path to a woman’s heart.

Pay attention. If she says, “I saw the cutest purse at that little boutique by the coffee shop,” what she means is, “I am giving you a hint about what I want for my birthday/anniversary/holiday, and I’m even telling you where you can find it.” If she says, “I could use a massage” what she means is, “Get me a gift certificate to my favorite spa.” Women forget that men aren’t good at picking up subtle hints; men forget … everything.

Take Her on a ‘First’ Date

Much like a second date idea, give her the time of her life with tickets to a local art show, Broadway show or her favorite music artist. Take her on a hot air balloon ride or horseback riding. If she likes the outdoors, put together a picnic with cheese and wine in a new woven basket.

Be sure it’s something she would want to do. Don’t get her tickets to the hockey game if she doesn’t like sports.

Give Her a Star

If your wife looks to the sky and marvels at the universe, many things will make her happy. But not much would make her more giddy than to look up every night at “her” star. The International Star Registry allows you to buy a star and name it after your wife, girlfriend or child. You’ll get an ethereal certificate and kit to show you the exact location. While it may be a novelty, it’s that thoughtful kind of gift that will keep your woman feeling lucky and loved every night.

Cook Up Fun

Stores like Cost Plus World Market, Williams-Sonoma and Bed, Bath and Beyond are full of kitchen gadgets that budding gourmets love. These are good ways to tell your significant other that you appreciate the work she puts into cooking, but make sure this is something she would appreciate. Some women see cooking as a duty rather than a hobby, and if you make the wrong call, your handy new nut chopper could become family legend as “the worst gift he ever bought me.”

Say it With Flowers

This one is simple, and most women are suckers for flowers, especially if she works full time. Women love it when their men send flowers at work, and red roses are classics. It’s said that the shade of red stirs emotions of love, passion and respect. Rosebuds can symbolize youth and rebirth, while two single red roses implies an engagement. Do some research online to find the symbolism that you want to offer her. Sometimes kind words alone will capture her heart.

Etsy.com

This website is like a big artists’ loft where people who are looking for unique jewelry, clothing, home decor and gifts can find handmade and vintage ideas. What does she like to do? If she’s a tennis player, you’ll find tennis-theme jewelry, phone cases, charms and more. Is she a book lover? Look for one-of-a-kind bookends and novelty items made from books (look for “book purse” to get an idea of how creative these artists are).

Thoughtful Gift Cards

Some women — and men — find gift cards as a way of saying, “I almost forgot to get you something” or, “I didn’t make time to shop for you.” They are kind of lame, you have to admit. A thoughtfully purchased gift card to her favorite salon, shoe store, makeup counter or boutique shows her that you pay attention. If she’s always wanted to take a gourmet cooking lesson, golf lessons or oil painting classes, look for a local place that offers gift cards. To show her even more support, sign up to take the class with her.

Couple’s Retreat

Some travel agencies, churches, resorts and spiritual centers offer couples retreats. These programs offer getaways with formal to informal workshops and activities that help couples get away from work and family life and reconnect. For example, Sedona Soul Adventures in Arizona offers spiritual retreats for couples that include massages, meditation, communication exercises and outdoor activities designed to foster romance and break down things that stress relationships.

Ask her Friends

If none of these ideas have stirred your creative juices, ask her girlfriends, sisters, coworkers and mom for suggestions. These women know her best, and they’ll be happy to help you find the perfect gift for your wife/girlfriend/fiance/significant other. And when word gets back to her that you asked for their input (and it will because these women tell each other everything), she will be touched to know that you cared enough to enlist their expertise.

 

Clink a link below to order “Discovering Your Amazing Marriage” in your favorite format: paperback, Kindle, or Nook!

 

Wedding Planning Tips & Essentials for a Wedding at Home

Posted: 21st May 2013 by Jason Coleman in Dating, Finances
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The happiest day of our livesHome is where the heart is, and marrying your best friend at your future home together can be the most romantic and intimate celebration for beginning your life together. Envision your backyard as a blank canvas for designing the outdoor wedding of your dreams. Welcome guests into your abode by transforming each room into a different section of your wedding reception— such as making over the dining room with the wedding cake and buffet table and turning the living room into a touching wedding display of photos.

Have your dream wedding at home with these essential party-planning tips:

Determine a Theme & Budget

Wedding themes don’t have to be extravagant. An eye-catching color scheme can serve as a theme without being too difficult or costly.

WeddingChicks.com features the following pretty palettes that are in this season:

  • Perfect peach, gold, mint and emerald green for whimsical elegance
  • Grapefruit, soft coral, cream and dove gray for feminine softness
  • Gold and silver shimmer and copper for over-the-top glam

Start to budget your wedding plans with a true appraisal of your finances and bankbook reviews. Make a priorities list and determine what deserves the most and least of your budget. Commit to your budget. If your wedding guest list is small, stick to it even if friends and family feel slighted. You want your marriage to last a lifetime, not your wedding bills.

Rent or Hire the Essentials

A tent will not only protect your guests during an outdoor wedding, it will create a formal and festive environment. You also can’t forget about the “must-have items,” including “tables, chairs, dinnerware, napkins, table linens, place settings, barware and portable bathrooms,” according to TheKnot.com. Although sunshine is a mesmerizing element to outdoor weddings, summer heat and humidity can crate an uncomfortable environment. Sweaty faces and clothes aren’t too enjoyable. Rent portable air conditioners at etopp.com to bring in the chill and even a generator to power the coolers, lighting and grills, for instance.

Also, a spotless home is non-negotiable. Hire a professional maid service for before and after the celebration, recommended by A Practical Wedding. By leaving the cleaning to the professionals, you can focus on other planning areas of need. You’ll want to spend the day after the wedding enjoying the company of friends and family, rather than scrubbing the floor and taking out the trash.

Check the Landscaping

A full landscaping renovation can cost thousands of dollars, but you can make over your yard without such a steep expense. A manicured landscape will have a mowed lawn and bare patches that are filled in. Plant perennials and greenery well in advance so that flowers are in full-bloom on the big day. Include a professional landscaper into your wedding budget to help with re-seeding and sodding. Work with the landscaper and designer to incorporate light fixtures and decor into the backyard to create an outdoor wedding wonderland.

Lastly, have fun, and try not to let stress overwhelm you. Enjoy the process leading up to the most romantic day of your life!

Catherine Wallace
Catherine is a free-lance writer who lives with her family on a farm in Nebraska.

Clink a link below to order “Discovering Your Amazing Marriage” in your favorite format: paperback, Kindle, or Nook!

Husband 101: Find the Perfect Mother’s Day Gift for Your Wife

Posted: 30th April 2013 by Jason Coleman in Exceed Expectations, Love is a Choice
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Hallmark estimates 96 percent of U.S. mothers participate in some type of Mother’s Day activity. How are you planning to make your celebration stand out? For the woman that raises your children while she juggles her own work/ambitions … and still finds time to make your grilled cheese just the way you like it … nothing is too good. She might say she doesn’t want anything, or not to bother, but that doesn’t mean she won’t be touched by your thoughtfulness. If you can’t afford to rent her a private jet and sweep her off to Paris for a diamond-spree, the tips below might help you figure out how to make her smile almost as much.

I Feel Oh So Pretty

A trip to the nail salon will have her feeling like a new woman. Nails need some TLC to, but are often neglected and abused by scrubbing, wear and tear, and being, well, superwoman. You can never go wrong with a gift certificate to her favorite nail salon, just make sure it includes both a manicure and pedicure (because her feet need attention, as well).

Escape to the Spa

The best way to relieve stress from the daily grind is with a day at the spa. Getting your wife a relaxing spa gift certificate will have her jumping for joy. You can select one for her (90-minute relaxation massage or 90-minute body massage) or let her chose whatever she wishes. Skin is the largest organ of our body and is frequently forgotten about, often attacked by harsh weather and not moisturized enough. Have her feeling better and looking better with a trip to the spa.

Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend

Bracelets, rings, necklaces and earrings. Jewelry is the perfect accessory to any outfit. Diamonds may make a poor best friend, but they certainly make a rich addition to every dress in her closet (emeralds, rubies, and sapphire work). Don’t buy on a whim though, make sure you pay attention to cuts and styles she likes. Take a look through her jewelry box before you run to the store, you want to be sure you’re getting something that fits her taste.

Sexy Undergarments

Who doesn’t want to feel sexy and appreciated? She wants you to fantasize about her as you did when you were courting. A rendezvous to Victoria’s Secret will have you picking up sexy panties in no time. Look to what she already owns for inspiration: If all she wears are boy shorts, don’t get her a bunch of thongs — it’s safe to say she doesn’t like wearing those. If you’re not sure, you can never go wrong with a silk nightie/robe set.

Handmade With Love

Every woman loves something handcrafted. So making something by hand will really show her you care. A coupon booklet will be precious to her: offer to make her dinner, clean up the house, watch the kids for the evening or any other tasks she does on a daily basis. She will be sure to love the needed break — even if it’s just for one day. If you’re a handyman, make her a jewelry box, fix the broken drawer on the bureau, or repaint the living room in that chartreuse shade she’s been begging for. Not only will she be touched, you will score a million “good listener” points.

 

Clink a link below to order “Discovering Your Amazing Marriage” in your favorite format: paperback, Kindle, or Nook!

Temptation & How to Prevent an Extramarital Affair

Posted: 12th April 2013 by Jason Coleman in "Affair-proof" your marriage, Communication, Guard Your Marriage, Infidelity
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Life speeds along, then you look around and feel like your life suddenly took a detour. Since that special day when vows and rings were exchanged, babies were born and grew up. Maybe a job was lost or a business was started. Perhaps a loved one passed away or you had to handle a serious illness in the family. Soccer practice. Homework. Work stress. Family visits. Credit card debt.

While merely surviving, rather than living, you may be abruptly hit with the reality that you feel off course. Even more disappointing, you realize that your marriage is off course. You feel emotionally distant from your spouse, indifferent about your marriage and notice you may be crossing lines in order to feel fulfilled.

photo by Ed Yourdon

Identifying Behavior & Emotions

By acknowledging that your marriage has veered off the course you and your partner laid out years ago can save your relationship. Author of “Sexperiment: 7 Days to Lasting Intimacy with Your Spouse,” Ed Young explains that the first step (of four)  to infidelity is denial. If you dismiss a personal bond growing between you and a coworker or ignore that you’re unintentionally hiding romantic texts from your spouse, then you’re on the verge of emotionally spiraling out of control and destroying your family. Before you head down a road of regret, ask yourself these questions:

  • Do I feel a connection with someone that feels wrong and immoral?
  • Does this “innocent” friendship have the potential to create serious consequences?
  • Am I relying on someone to fulfill emotional needs and make me feel alive?
  • Do I feel disconnected and ambivalent in my marriage?
  • Am I sacrificing my family and marriage for selfish, fleeting feelings that make me feel good?

Overcoming Temptation

During your self-evaluation, the most important question to answer honestly is: “Is forthcoming infidelity worth destroying my marriage, family and life?” If the answer is no, then take the following steps right now to help restore your partnership:

  • Identify the positive, emotional reinforcement and validation that someone is providing you. These feelings are most likely superficial and will be temporary. Emotions and physical attraction may just be masking areas in your personal life and voids that you don’t want to face. For example, Pastor Young explains that “During a time of transition… marital drift , apathy, laziness can happen.” Infidelity doesn’t have to be your solution to marital drift.
  • Fear not being honest and communicating — with yourself and your spouse. Talk to your husband or wife about the outside threats to your marriage. A candid and present conversation may actually make you drop your external bond or connection without a second thought. Ask questions and be unapologetically honest about your actions, feelings, needs, expectations and viewpoints.
  • Let go of selfishness that may be fueling your actions, and ask your partner to be an active participant in rebuilding your marriage. If he or she isn’t willing to put in the effort, then you may need to seek the advice of a professional as a couple or independently. Otherwise, identify the deep-rooted source of your disconnection and create solutions. Re-establish your marriage by making sex and romance a priority, reserving time together away from work and kids, and sharing values and morals.

Written by Maria Ortega

Maria is a freelance writer living the dream in Miami.

Talk to me…please!

Posted: 7th April 2013 by Jason Coleman in "Affair-proof" your marriage, Communication, Guard Your Marriage
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George Bernard Shaw once said, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

Talk to me...please!"In many relationships, communication is viewed so differently between the spouses and often times we as men ‘think’ we are communicating, but our partner feels left out, unappreciated, and even rejected.

Men and women communicate so differently and have varying expectations, and it is easy to be misread by your spouse.

When a woman feels distant from her partner and feels as if he is pushing her away, it’s common for her to feel rejected and unsure of how to get him to open up.

When you find yourself feeling this way, consider these points.

Give him some time – When your man seems cold and distant and doesn’t want to talk to you, it could be that he fears combat and expects a fight. It may be that he is trying to avoid escalation of an issue by not talking now, but would be willing to discuss the issue after some time goes by.

Allowing a ’cooling off period’ during an argument or heated discussion may be a wise move to prevent something from being said that could cause more harm to your relationship.

Seek a non-combative environment – If there is a particular problem that needs to be discussed, create a non-combative environment where he feels comfortable sharing and opening up with his feelings. He may anticipate you becoming defensive or accusatory, and if he feels confrontation is imminent, he will likely shut down.

If you both have a history of combative discussions, you may try saying something like, “I know in the past I have gotten defensive and we usually end up fighting, but I really feel it is important we talk this out and I am willing to listen to your point of view without interrupting you.”

Provide opportunity – One reason your man may shut down and not discuss important issues is the simple fact that he feels you do the majority of the talking, not giving him an opportunity to get more than a word or two in, or that you really don’t want to hear what he has to say. (this point was suggested by my wife, from a woman’s perspective)

It may be true that in previous discussions you (or he) have dominated the conversation and the other spouse doesn’t feel their opinion matters, so a simple solution is to allow equal uninterrupted time to both partners.

When we were going through marriage counseling ourselves, our counselor gave us an assignment. I was to give Debby time every day to talk, about whatever she wanted to talk about, and I was to listen without interrupting and without getting defensive.

It was hard at first, but became an important part of our day as time went on and we learned to trust one another with our true feelings.

The key was to provide time to talk without fearing interruption, combativeness, or rejection. Encouraging your spouse to open up and talk and assuring him that you will not interrupt or criticize his feelings may help ease his fears and trust you with his feelings.

Conversation starters – Sometimes a conversation starter is all you need to get him to open up. Rather than only talking about current problems, financial issues, or parenting challenges, make it a habit to talk about things that interest him and engage in lighthearted and fun conversations.

By developing a habit of talking on a regular basis, it eases the anxiety he may feel when you need to discuss something of importance or something potentially threatening.

Keep in mind that these conversation starters are designed to help you get to know one another better and to initiate discussions, and are not meant to cause division or arguments. If you sense the conversation turning negative, simply redirect the conversation using a different question.

Here are some examples of conversation starters:

  • What is one of the most adventurous things you’ve ever done?
  • If you could store up only one hour’s worth of memory in your mind, which hour of our marriage would you want to remember?
  • When do you feel most loved?
  • Which strengths in your life bring you the greatest satisfaction?
  • What is the best way for me to encourage you?
  • What time of day is best for us to talk?
  • If we could just stop what we’re doing right now and go do something fun, what would you want to do?
  • If we won $1,000 how would you want to spend it?
  • What can we do as a couple to change the world as we know it?
  • What goals to you want us to accomplish in our marriage this year?…in the next 5 years…in the next 10 years?
  • What are three values we want our children to embrace?
  • Which cartoon character would you want to be, and why?
  • Which historical figure would you want to meet, and what would you ask him/her?
  • If you could have anyone in the world over for dinner, who would it be?
  • What do you think people will say about you at your memorial service after you die?
  • If you could live in any other time period, past or future, which period would you choose, and why?
  • When making decisions, do you put more trust in facts or in feelings? And are there any decisions you regret making?
  • What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think about God?
  • Whose marriage do you consider to be a model, and what is it about their marriage that you admire the most?

These are just a few conversation starters you might try using to get your spouse to open up. You will find that the more you talk about non-essential things and the more you feel comfortable talking to one another about your dreams and experiences, the more at ease you will feel when the really important conversations need to take place.

Try these out for starters, and then develop a list of conversation starters on your own. There are several great books available with conversation starting ideas if you get stuck.

Above all else, make him feel valued and respected when he talks, and let him know that you truly value his opinions and feelings. Many times we tend to clam up if we think our partner really doesn’t care what we have to say or isn’t listening.

 

About the authors

Jason and Debby Coleman are marriage mentors, speakers, and the authors of “Discovering Your Amazing Marriage” (Seraphina Press).

They have survived infidelity and many challenges in their marriage and have been married now for over 23 years. They have four children and reside in Federal Way, WA.

Commonly Overlooked Tax Deductions

Posted: 6th March 2013 by Jason Coleman in Communication, Finances
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the-most-overlooked-tax-deductionsApril 15th is fast approaching and the time will soon come when you can no longer procrastinate and you begin the dreaded task of filing your taxes. Whether you are expecting a refund or expecting to pay, either way filing taxes is a most unpleasant task.

No-one that I know, besides my mother, likes filing taxes.

It’s one of those laborious chores that must be done and it is so confusing and overwhelming that many of us would rather do almost anything to avoid filling out the forms.

Not only is it confusing and frustrating, it can often spark arguments and cause financial stress in your relationship. After all, one of the topics most people fight about frequently is…money. Or, more often the case, a lack of money.

Rather than pay someone else to wade through my private life and investigate and question every receipt, I choose to tackle this monumental task myself. With, of course, the assistance of TaxAct.com, which is just one of many available options for the D.I.Y. tax filer.

In order to maximize your refund, or lower your tax bill, take advantage of every available (and legal) deduction possible.

In spite of the fact that Vice President Joe Biden says that paying higher taxes is the “patriotic thing for wealthier Americans” to do, I prefer to limit this particular display of patriotism.

Here are some of the more commonly overlooked tax deductions available to many Americans, some of which I claimed myself.

State Sales Tax – If you live in a state where you pay a state sales tax, you may be eligible for this deduction. This year this deduction may be overlooked as it expired at the end of 2011 and was not available for the majority of 2012.

However, after some fiscal cliff negotiations, this deduction was restored in January 2013 retroactively for 2012 and for 2013. Most tax software has a sales tax calculator you can use. Don’t overlook the additional sales tax you may be able to claim on a large purchase, such as a car, a boat, an RV, etc.

Charitable Donations – Most tax payers don’t overlook their standard charitable giving, such as giving to a church, the Red Cross, or other non-profit organizations, but there are more legal deductions available to you if you read the fine print. Travel expenses you incurred for a charity qualify for a .14 cent per mile deduction as well as tolls and parking fees.

The bags of clothing and shoes you donated to your local Salvation Army or Goodwill have some value (remember to get a receipt for fair-market value), as well as other little things such as postage stamps you purchased for your school booster club mailings. If you prepare food for your local non-profit’s feed-the-hungry soup kitchen, you can deduct the cost of ingredients.

When you look for opportunities throughout the year to give, remember to keep track of your contributions. Remember though, if your combined donations to any organization exceeds $250 you must get a written receipt from them.

Job Search Expenses – If you are feeling the recession pinch and have had your pay or benefits reduced or you were laid off, you may be in the job market for a better job. If you seek employment in the same line of work, you can deduct certain job search expenses, including meals, transportation, and lodging – if your search requires an overnight stay. Other deductible expenses include employment agency fees and printing and mailing fees for resumes and business cards.

Moving Expenses for your first job – While you cannot deduct job search expenses for your first job, you may qualify to deduct moving expenses if your first job is at least 50 miles from your home and you relocate.

Military Reservist Travel Expenses – Military Reservists may qualify for travel expenses to and from their monthly drills and annual duty. There are some restrictions, such as a minimal travel distance of 100 miles and an overnight stay, but if you qualify this could further reduce your tax liability.

Tax Preparation fees – If you paid tax preparation or filing fees last year, they may be deductible.

Student Loan Interest (if paid by mom & dad) – School loan deductions are generally only for the student who is repaying the loan, but if mom and/or dad give money to the student to pay the school loan, mom/dad may benefit from this deduction.

Additional deductions you may qualify for include Child-Care Credit, Refinancing Points, the American Opportunity Credit (college tuition), Energy Credits for Qualifying Home Improvements, and many, many more.

~  ~  ~

The tax code is crazy and confusing, and I’m not sure anyone really understands all of it. I know I don’t. I am certainly not a tax expert and this should not be construed as tax advice.

Notice that with every deduction I said you MAY qualify for it. With each one there are qualifying circumstances, and I encourage you to consult a tax professional (or use reputable tax software) to help you navigate the turbulent water.

You may have heard someone say that there are only two absolute requirements in life. Paying taxes, and dying.  My goal is that both are as pleasant an experience as possible!

Tax time doesn’t have to drive a wedge in your relationship. Talk about your finances openly and honestly with your spouse, and use this opportunity to discuss your financial goals.

And if you overlooked some potential deductions or threw out old receipts last year, begin new habits that will pay a dividend next spring.

Attention Men: 5 Occasions That Require You to Give Her Flowers

Posted: 25th February 2013 by Jason Coleman in Exceed Expectations, Love is a Choice
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pink tulips

When it comes to giving the special lady in their life flowers, most men think about the obvious occasions such as Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day or maybe their wedding anniversary. While it’s great to receive a beautiful bouquet of blossoms on these special days, there are also plenty of other flower-worthy occasions that pop up during the year. Because most women love to get flowers, it might be wise to take note of these other five flower-appropriate occasions.

You Put Your Foot in Your Mouth

I know, you didn’t mean to suggest your girlfriend’s dress matched the one your mom wore to Aunt Sally’s birthday party last year, or say that, perhaps, your wife shouldn’t leave the burgers on the grill for quite so long. But you said it, she’s hurt and you want to make things right. HowAboutWe.com suggests that a single flower with a nice note is a perfect gesture in these situations and can go a long way in making things right.

She Got the Promotion

Your lady love has been working so hard lately, staying at the office later than usual and going the extra mile. Her boss noticed and rewarded her with a promotion. This is a perfect occasion to celebrate her achievement by ordering flowers online and having them delivered to her office. Her co-workers will ooh and ahh, and she will be truly delighted.

She’s Had a Really Crummy Week

Some weeks are just like that. Maybe she got into an argument with her best friend, or had her hours cut at work, or her car got dinged by a shopping cart at the supermarket. It doesn’t matter if it’s your mom, your girlfriend, your wife or even a close female friend; any woman who is going through a rough patch deserves flowers. A cheerful bouquet is virtually guaranteed to make her feel better.

You Have Been Really Busy

Maybe you have been putting in a ton of overtime, have been on an extended business trip or extra projects around the house have kept you incommunicado. Either way, you miss her, she misses you and flowers would be a great way to help boost her spirits until your schedule settles down. Ordering flowers while you are away from home will probably earn you an extra-warm welcome.

Because You Love Her and You’re Not Afraid to Show It

Sending flowers is a  very romantic gesture that does not always require a specific reason. Actually, the fact that you adore her is reason enough. For men who are romantics at heart, and even those who are not, guys don’t need a specific occasion to be thoughtful. Just pick up the phone and order her some flowers. You’ll be glad that you did.

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Valentine’s Day – 8 Romantic Ideas

Posted: 8th February 2013 by Jason Coleman in "Affair-proof" your marriage, Dating
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19th anniversary gift

19th anniversary gift

Click here to see the Valentine’s Day YouTube video I created for Debby!

1.  Recreate your honeymoon. Book a night or weekend at the hotel or getaway you stayed at the night of your wedding.2.  Have one of your favorite wedding pictures blown up poster size as a gift.

3.  Book a local hotel for the night. Check-in prior to your wife’s knowledge and set up the room with rose petals leading from the door to the tub and the bed. Put wine on ice, spread chocolates and confetti on the floor and the bed. Use foil confetti in the colors of your wedding. She will be completely surprised when you both arrive at the hotel and everything is set up.

4.  Design a “Build-a-Bear” that is your wife’s favorite animal. Name it after your wife and dress it with a mini version of her wedding gown.

5.  Take your spouse on a picnic. If available, on horseback. Ride (walk or drive) to as secluded a place as possible and spend the afternoon together. If you are daring enough, make love after lunch if your site is deserted and secluded.

6.  Rent a local billboard or reader board and purchase a message for your spouse. See picture – I did this for our 19th anniversary. She absolutely loved it! (a letter fell off, but she was totally surprised when she drove by and saw it!)

7.  Take your bride out in a limo to a very nice restaurant followed by a couples massage. After the massage, go buy her sexy lingerie and celebrate the anniversary all night long. Cap it off with breakfast in bed.

8.  Surprise her (or him) with breakfast in bed and a new outfit to wear to work. Have flowers and a bear sent to their workplace. Stop by their workplace and stuff her/his car with helium-filled balloons. Plan a romantic dinner at their favorite restaurant or have a candlelit dinner at home.

Valentines Day Ideas

Essential romance advice for guys who want more sex

Posted: 17th January 2013 by Jason Coleman in "Affair-proof" your marriage, Dating, Guard Your Marriage, Love is a Choice
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OK guys, Valentine’s Day is fast approaching.

You’ve given her flowers and chocolates the last several years and afterwards you’re left scratching you’re head wondering why the romantic flame is more like a Bic lighter than a blow torch.

If you’re like the majority of guys, your idea of romance is limited to red helium balloons and over-priced flower deliveries, once a year.

Trust me when I say that it doesn’t have to be that way! It shouldn’t be that way!

Romance is much more than a last-minute purchase of chocolate heart-shaped candies on the way home from work on February 14th.

In fact, that isn’t romance at all!

It’s crazy to think that many men only remember to buy their lover some flowers, candy, or a card once a year…and then only when the calendar tells them to!

It’s like Hallmark and Hershey’s invented this special day to boost their profits, and we all take the bait – hook, line, and sinker!

If you are one of “those” guys who doesn’t know where to begin in the romance department, then this article is for you!

If you’re an average guy (and who wants to be average anyhow?), you may struggle to find the time to make your lover feel special, or you may think it’s impossible to keep her interested in sex as often as you are.

The first point can be learned; the second, well, she will most likely never think of sex as often as you do.

But that’s okay, really. If we’re honest with ourselves men, we probably couldn’t keep up with our own sexual appetite either!

So how do you keep the romance going throughout the day, and how to you keep your relationship “fresh” and exciting throughout the year?

Here are a few tips to help you out in the romance department:

  1. Define Romance

When a man uses the word ‘romance’ he often thinks of sex, or at least activity that leads to sex.

Romance, for a man, is a three-letter word. S E X

When a woman uses the word ‘romance’ she is thinking of roses, wine, small talk, a night without distractions, help with the kids and dishes, etc.

Romance, for a woman, is a four-letter word. T I M E

When I spend time with my wife, it often means more than an expensive gift I can give her.

Romance is more of an attitude or an ambiance, than an activity.

Romance doesn’t necessarily lead to sex, but romance can transform average sex into explosively satisfying sex!

  1. Understand the differences between a man and a woman

Wow, as if that is easy to do!

Actually what I mean is, understand that when it comes to sex, you are a microwave and she is an oven.

Guys, you and I can be ready for sex with very little notice. We are stimulated through our eyes, ears, and touch and can be ‘ready to go’ at a moment’s notice.

Punch a few of our buttons and our microwave bodies are stimulated and pulsating.

Women, on the other hand, often take more time to warm up to sex, similar to an oven.

With a few exceptions, they don’t respond as quickly as men do and their sexual arousal takes time and attention.

When you understand this, you’ll invest more time in your relationship.

  1. Date Night

If you don’t date your wife, you’re missing out on an important part of your relationship!

When you were dating, you went out and spent quality time together. You went to dinner, the movies, went shopping, bowling…probably all types of different activities.

Whatever your date consisted of, it meant one thing that was more important than anything else: spending time together.

If you did all those things together before you got married, why would you stop doing them after the wedding?

Just because you now live together and spend ‘time’ together, you need to realize it’s a vastly different type of time spent.

Plan a date night, and make it a regular part of your activities.

Most women love to dress up. Even with a tight budget you can dress up and go to a nice dinner once in a while and make her feel special.

  1. It’s a mindset

I often tell guys that sex begins in the kitchen.

Not literally having sex in the kitchen, although that could be exciting on occasion, but the idea is that for my wife to “warm up” to sex, she likes to think about it all day and she needs me to value her throughout the day.

She likes to see and hear things from me throughout the day that demonstrates my love for her; it’s an all-day process.

Many women need to prepare for sex emotionally over a period of time and often times it’s the little things you do for her that help set the mood.

  1. It’s the small things that matter

I recently went away on a two-night business trip. I left a small note and a candy bar on her pillow.

The next day, I sent her a facebook message telling her where I had stashed a small box of chocolates for her.

I had planned ahead and had left a small treat for her on both nights.

Let me tell you, it wasn’t solely because of those little gifts I left, but when I returned from the business trip the sex was exhilarating! For both of us!

I regularly leave little treats or notes for her and I have no idea when she will find them. Sometimes she doesn’t find them for days, and it usually catches her by surprise when she does.

Doing small acts of kindness or leaving small reminders of your love for her will help set the stage for romance and keep her thinking of you throughout the day.

Here’s a few ideas…

If she works, stop by her workplace and bring her a latte, or surprise her with lunch.

Buy a dozen helium-filled balloons and stuff them in her car when she’s at work or at the grocery store.

Hide a few Hershey Kisses in a box of frozen peas in the freezer.

Write “I Love You” on the bathroom mirror with a bar of soap.

Buy her a lottery ticket and attach a note saying “I won the lottery when I married you!”

Write her a hand-written love letter. And mail it to her. When’s the last time you did that?

Do all the housework for a weekend. Make her breakfast in bed and clean the house while she enjoys her coffee.

Set up the coffee pot so it automatically brews her coffee just minutes before her morning alarm wakes her up.

Spend time with her at a craft or trade show connected to one of her hobbies.

Go for a drive at sunset.

Take a walk, holding hands.

I could give you a hundred different things that you could do to make her feel special, but this short list should stimulate your ideas.

What she wants most of all from you can’t be bought. It’s free but in limited quantities.

What she wants is your time. Give her enough of your quality time, and you will be well on your way to 24/7-365 romance.

And who knows, your sex life may get more interesting too!

It’s the Little Things That Count

Posted: 11th January 2013 by Jason Coleman in "Affair-proof" your marriage, Guard Your Marriage, Love is a Choice
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“Fish on!”

I woke up this morning thinking what a great day it would be to go fishing! The salmon are running in the local rivers and I could be in the water within thirty minutes. I rolled out of bed and could feel the excitement and the thrill of fighting a fish. I visualized reeling in a trophy-sized salmon.

I found myself in the garage inspecting my rod and reel, collecting the necessary weights, hooks, and assorted tackle—then I remembered the “check engine oil” light in Debby’s van was lit. And one of the tires has a slow leak. And I started a mini-remodel project on our back deck that is un-finished.

Decision time. Do I spend the last available day of my vacation on the water pursuing my hobby, or do I take care of the necessities of life and fix these annoying problems?

Decision made. Oil changed—check.

And now I sit at the tire store as they inspect and repair a slow leak. From here, I’ll spend the rest of the morning working in the yard, mowing and trimming to prepare for the winter season. Then I’ll drive the final nail in the deck…literally.

Now, I’m not suggesting that it’s wrong to pursue our hobbies and have fun or that as men we should always sacrifice what we want to do for our family. We all need some time to pursue our hobbies and ‘blow off some steam.’

What I am saying is that we should seize the opportunistic moments from time to time to do the little things that must be done around the house, and honor our wives in the process.

In the same amount of time that I would spend on the river in search of the elusive king salmon—and maybe walk away empty-handed—I can knock out four, five, or more projects that have been piling up around the house.

In our marriage mentoring, I have talked to numerous women who are frustrated with their husbands because he always seems to be focused on the “big things” and often ignores the “little things.”

It’s so easy to allow these little things to pile up with the “I’ll get to it later” attitude. I’ll admit, the oil light has been on for several weeks now and I’ve already put air in the leaky tire twice. So don’t think I’m pointing the finger at all you other guys…I’m with you. I do this to from time to time.

So where do you begin?  It’s easier than you think to do something nice for your wife and to make her feel loved. Here are a few suggestions of “little things” you can do that will require a nominal investment of your time and resources.

  1. Do a load of laundry
  2. Volunteer to wash the dishes and clean the kitchen after a meal
  3. Walk through the house and gather up all the scattered shoes and put them away. (I gathered over 25 pairs when I did this last week!!!)
  4. Keep the gas tank in her vehicle at least half full all the time—one less thing for her to worry about
  5. Cook dinner, or bring home her favorite take-out meal
  6. Clean the bathroom
  7. Do the grocery shopping
  8. Change all the burned out light bulbs in the house – if your house is like mine you’ll be shocked at how many are out when you actually look!
  9. Make the bed in the morning, while she’s in the shower
  10. Prepare a lunch for her (if she works) and for the kids (if applicable)

By the way, just do these things quietly. Don’t announce your intentions or point out what you have done. That takes away the value of your gift of service and then it becomes self-serving.

Even if she doesn’t notice some of these acts, do them on the sly. Don’t do them with any expectation of a payback or recognition. Do them out of love and appreciation for her.

I have found that when I can relieve my wife of some of the household duties, she is more energetic and relaxed, and it lowers the overall household stress.

So I challenge you men, find something to do today to make your wife feel special and loved. And then make a habit of doing more “little things” for her. You’ll be amazed at the results of a few little acts of service and kindness!

Gotta run…they just called my name. Tire fixed. Check!

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